@surfergirl3915 I hope the book helps some, I remember that black hole, just don't give in, but don't fight it too hard, your body is tired, even if you can go sit outdoors in nature, even if you are too tired for walks, try to sit outdoors for awhile. Sweetie have you had your doctor check your thyroid? Also have them check your B and D vitamin levels, sometimes if any of these levels are off it can contribute to depressive moods. My psychiatrist said my depression was do a chemical balance, I also had very bad panic attacks, I was anhedonic, oddly the anhedonia part hit just before I got better.The depression was dark, no human words to really describe it, something one has to go through to understand it, the anhedonia, left me numb to all emotion, I had logic, but not the emotion behind it. My friend asked me to describe what anhedonia was like, I told her, a man could walk up, hold a gun to my head and say he would shoot me, I told her, I would of looked at him and said ''so'', no fear would of registered, and I have a terrible fear of guns all my life, I knew logically that being shot could kill me or cause terrible pain, but there was no emotion behind that. Same with my family, I knew I loved them, but could not feel that love, as I said that emotionless state hit just before I got better, I did not wake up one morning and it was gone, the depression lifted little by little. My son was 10 years old at the time, I'm glad I stuck around, when my son turned 15, I got a surprise, I became pregnant and we had a daughter.It was like raising two only's, but I felt very blessed. My life had purpose and yours does too.There is still beauty in life and your sun will come out, don't know when, but it will come.Luv you Nikki.
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