Ame - My Life as a Multiple #9
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I thought I would write about some of my alters perhaps in an attempt to understand them better. Ame is the little French girl. She is in love with Jex, who is one of Jesse's alters. Their love story is a sweet one as they were the first two to fall in love.
Ame was created when the body was 9. The details of how she came to be created are sketchy to me. Why she speaks French is a complete mystery to me. No one in my family speaks French and at the time when I was 9, I had never been taught to speak French. I finally took French in college but I never understood why I chose to take French as an elective.
It was Jesse who reached out to the "wild child" inside of me. She spoke her first understandable words to Jesse. Jesse speaks French and he told me what she was saying was in French. I was shocked. After that, I looked up the meaning of her name and Ame means "soul" in French. Up until the time Jesse spoke to her, I did not know what she was saying. I saw her as an unkempt wild child inside of me who came out when I needed to be defended. Her words were unintelligible to me for the most part. She hid inside me and rarely stepped forward.
But Jesse wanted to know her so she came out for him and spoke to him. Jesse's alter, Jex, fell madly in love with her. Then the two of them would come out and talk for hours. Ame has a temper and when I feel I am wronged, she is the one who comes out to deal with it. Ame can swear in French, I discovered. She sometimes gets mad at Jesse for one reason or another. Jesse says he has never been cussed out with such pretty sounding words. I think French is like that--A pretty sounding language.
When Ame made sets on Polyvore, Jesse would often comment to her in French. And she would comment back. Now, she speaks both languages but her English is with an accent that only Jesse can describe.
When I do dreamwork, Ame is always there. She is a wonderful mother to the littles. She speaks what they can't say because they are too little to speak. Since I took French in college, now I understand Ame better. Ame's big heart counters her quick temper. She has her own opinions on matters but she will listen to me and will always comply with contracts to make every day functioning better.
Ame is the only one of my alters to speak a foreign language. In Jr. High and High school I took Spanish, so it is a mystery to me why Ame speaks French. I don't think I will ever know the reason why. Have I asked her why? You bet I have. Ame just shrugs and says because it is what I know.
Ame has aged since we were 9. Once she met Jex, she began growing up to match his age. At this point Ame is in her late teens but she can remember all the past. She has shared some things with me, others with Jesse. She is careful with what she tells me because she doesn't want to tell me something I can't handle.
If you comment to this post with questions, Ame might answer the comments or she might not. It's hard to say. But it might be interesting either way.
Thank you for reading and following my blog. It really does mean a lot to me.
Nikki xx
Comments (14) -
Do you know what she came to protect to you from? The only thing I know about alters is that they come to protect their host from things as you say they do not think they can handle. Have you ever found out what she came at the age of 9 to protect you from? Did Ame do this set? It's very beautiful!
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@rboowybe Yes, I know what Ame came to protect me from. It was a rape situation but I don't want to drag up the details here. Today, she comes out if she perceives I am going to be hurt emotionally. Emberly comes out to protect me physically. I have two protective alters.
Ame did not make the set but she was co-present. Ame selects the image I will use to portray her. I actually made the set. She made suggestions here and there.
Thank you for your questions and thank you most of all for reading the blog. Have a wonderful day!!!
Nikki xx
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Thank you for sharing, dear Nikki and alters. I tend to dissociate a lot due to childhood trauma but don't have alters. This is very interesting and I'm full of compassion for you! xx Hope
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Sweetie, other than reading books etc on alters you are my first with alter I have known, I have an off the wall theory, but I often wonder if alters have not entered do to the fact that these could be past lives we have lived before and they some how have stayed in our souls and mind and manifest here, I wonder that especially when alters speak a language of no knowledge of that language previously, have you ever wondered the same sweetie? Does your therapy even entail hypnosis for past life regression? I personally hate the thoughts of living life on earth over and over, but keep an open mind to any possibility. Big hugs to you sweet lady!
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@sjlew That thought has occurred to me too! I don't know if this is all part of a past life or not. I am not currently in past life regression therapy but that is a thought--to find a therapist who deals with that. Thank you!
Nikki xx
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@surfergirl3915 This always cross my mind like that. Of course you want the best therapy possible and if hypnosis is safe, always listen to the professionals. Life is strange with lots of mysteries.
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@surfergirl3915 Nikki, if I ask a question you don't want to answer, just don't answer it. I don't want to ask you more than you're willing or want to talk about. I was just trying to understand, but I don't ever want to make you feel uncomfortable. I was raped twice, once when I was 17 and once when I was 18 and it took me years and I mean years before I could even admit I was raped. I can't imagine at your age having to deal with it. So if I ever over-step with my question just tell me to buzz off. I really don't mind. I don't know how engaging you want us to be or ifyou just want us to listen that is fine too. I am enjoying getting to know you through your blog. Rhana
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Thank you for sharing your story. The other ladies asked great questions and offered good advise. I believe when we experience trauma at a young age, and are to young to understand why this happens our soul splits off to protect us. I confess I don't understand it all. Thank you for sharing your life story.
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@rboowybe Thank you for saying what you said. I am being careful with my comments to. I don't want to make Nikki feel uncomfortable either. Rita
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@ritadolce You're welcome. She's telling us very vulnerable things, I certainly don't want to ask her something she's not wanting to discuss.
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@rboowybe Thank you so much for your sweet comment because it was very relevant. First, I am so sorry you had to go through rape because it is terrible and life altering and a person is never the same. Second, I won't share more than I want to. My alters have kept certain details from me which is probably for the better. My alters might speak about their experiences but maybe not. They know I read my blog. In any event, I'm grateful for your comment. You brought up a thought provoking thing, why are the victims of rape so embarrassed by the experience? We feel the shame and it's not something we did to ourselves. We are victims. We were brutalized by someone and it was not our fault. But it takes years to realize that and to allow us to begin to open up. It's very sad. Hugs to you, sweet one!
Nikki xx
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@ritadolce You are exactly right. It is usually from extreme and prolonged trauma at an early age. We are not able to process it but our minds want to survive so they find a way to do that. The way is to split or to disassociate so that part of us can find a way to go on. Thank you for trying to understand because it means the world to me. Thank you for reading my blog and entering into the conversation. Hugs to you!
Nikki xx
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She seems very interesting. It reminds me when I suddenly start speaking in Sylvan, an elven (fae) language. Well, we both know who comes out when I start that, lol.
It's so nice to see the acceptance here.
-Nonnie -
@nonniekiss I think it is very much like that. She just has her own language that she prefers to speak in. Thank you for commenting. It means so much and I think it helps others see that we do in fact have alters that other people who know us in real life have seen and have interacted with. You are a dear one.
Hugs, Nikki xoxo