MY LIFE AS A MULTIPLE
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I really struggled with writing a blog about this subject. To be honest, I am still struggling with whether I should write it but here I am. There is such a stigma surrounding mental illness. Some people believe you and others don't. My mental illness is Dissociative Identity Disorder which used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder.
I have managed to live a fairly normal life with a career and family and for the most part only my immediate family and closest friends were the only ones who knew I even had a mental illness. I have finally reached an age where I really have nothing to lose by talking about it.
How does it feel? It feels like I have a very poor memory because there are times where an alternate personality is in charge and at this point I have limited knowledge of what they are doing or have done. Sometimes I have no memory at all about what they did. Most days there are several people talking at once in my head. It can get a bit loud. I decided it would help me to blog about my days.
I am hoping to find support here. I would ask that if you don't believe me or believe in mental illness that you not be a hater. Just please don't read my blog. I just wanted to start and see where this goes. I will talk more specifically in later blogs. I have 16 distinct and different personalities. So it could get interesting.
Thank you for reading this far. We will see how it goes. Have a wonderful day.
Nikki
Comments (19) -
I'm always here for you. Great post!
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First of all, you are very brave, not for writing this, but posting it. If people have been critical and doubtful of your condition, to "put yourself out there" this way takes tremendous courage.
My understanding of Dissociative Identity Disorder is limited, but I do know that trauma can cause this disorder and that trauma changes the function and structure of the brain. (You can Google: Dissociative Identity Disorder brain damage and learn quite a bit!) Therefore, if this is true in your case, to call this a 'mental illness' stigmatizes you and limits the perception of others, which can limit your ability to be understood or even taken seriously. You may (and likely do) have a physical disorder that affects you mentally; your perception, thoughts, etc. Just because people cannot see your injured brain, doesn't mean your brain isn't injured. I can relate to that part of your condition because I have PTSD.
There. I said it.
Regardless, you have my full support and encouragement!
May I ask if your other personalities create on UrStyle, and if so, do they create certain kinds of Sets in particular?
PS) I didn't even know UrStyle had a blog feature!!! Very cool!
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Proud of you. Thank you for sharing.
We are here to help and encourage our friends.
Hugs Rita
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Thank you for sharing this. I'm always here to support you. I'm really interested to see your future posts.
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@funkyjunkygypsy You are tremendously brave too!!! So sorry about PTSD but I can sympathize as some of my personalities function as if they have it too because of the level of abuse. Yes, two of my alters create on Urstyle and one is similar to my sets and fashion sense although she has a style of her own. One is much younger and creates sets as a much younger person. On Polyvore, more of my alters had their own pages. I finally opened one profile and let most of them create on the one profile and I may do that here. At this point, I'm not getting much sleep as they all want an outlet to create. Haha. It is never dull. Thank you so much for your support and for your questions. I have decided to be transparent here. I was much more guarded on Polyvore but that seemed to be problematic. Feel free to ask me questions if you have them. I will tell you if something is too personal. xx
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@ritadolce Thank you so much!!!
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@kaharaerakat Thank you so much! Your support means the world to me. xx
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@darkprince I love you!
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@surfergirl3915 Brave? No. It's something that happened to me. But thank you.
PTSD is a brain injury that occurs as a result of "stress" hormones literally shocking the brain.
Different from what you experience, but I bet you also suffered "unseen" injury. When someone experiences trauma, their brain can literally surge with hormones/chemicals in response to the trauma (The Flight-Fight-or-Freeze Response). That chemical surge cannot be controlled. Overwhelmed with such an unusual and tremendous amount of these chemicals, the brain literally expands in size in one area and shrinks in two others. 
That’s in PTSD. You’d have to Google and do a little research to see how the brain develops Dissociative Identity Disorder and what parts of the brain are affected.I think many diagnosed with a “mental illness” feel shame. When they understand that it’s a physical disorder of chemicals and/or brain damage (IF it happens to be in their particular case), it becomes something to address in whatever way is most therapeutic for them.
This is a step you’ve taken by blogging and sharing your situation, asking for help and support, which takes strength. Initially, you may have been told by those who care about you that you just need rest/sleep/fill-in-the-blank, or that it’s all in your head, among other non-supportive reactions.
It’s my feeling that support can be best given when those unfamiliar with a particular condition have an accurate explanation and understanding of it. So, help us understand you, and expect support here. 
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@surfergirl3915 You are so very brave! Yes, there are idiots, which will call you names. Don't bother, as you have your net here. You and @FunkyJunkyGypsy , you are so brave and wonderful souls! I can't help, but say - you go girls!
I was with clinical depression for years, so kind of relate to you. Much love and kisses from me
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@funkyjunkygypsy Thank you so much! I'm going to do some research and a future blog is going to deal with how it works for me. I'm afraid it's too much for one single reply. Your support is so helpful and so meaningful to me!
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@scorpiokatt Thank you!!! Thank you!!! It means so much!!!
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@surfergirl3915 ~ I am so glad you decided to share your mental illness. I have had a few acquaintances in the past with multiple personalities. I am here if you need to talk about it no matter which one it is. We are all here as women who will provide and support you. It takes a strong person to admit as you have done. Bless you sweetie! We all are here for you. Hugs xx
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@beverly Thank you so much for your support. You cannot know how good it makes me feel to have a group around me now. xx
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My cousin is manic depressive. I don't know what it entails, but it can be hard on the family. Other members of my family including myself have dealt with or are dealing with depression. I don't know if there is a family link for any of these things. The only thing I know about multiple personality comes from movies, but I have wondered if you don't remember much or sometimes anything at all, if it is the same for your multiples?
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@maisondeforgeron Thank you for your question. Yes, it is the same for my multiples or alters as I refer to them. Today, I am more integrated and I know more of what happened to me. Certain alters retain the memories of specific events or even years of my life. For most of my life, these years were lost to me. However after years of therapy, I have some memories back at least in a broad sense. I think if you read my blogs in the future, you will understand more about how it works. My two daughters who are still home with me have many stories to tell. They tell me it has not been all that hard for them, however I have other children who seem to feel it was all just too much. I had one sister who believed me about my abuse but she passed away. My living sister does not really believe me and we just don't discuss it. I am stable enough to spend time with her and she does not notice if an alter is out. It's ok. I understand that her experience in our home was different than mine was. I am grateful for your support and your desire to understand. xx
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@surfergirl3915 I will try to remember to use the term alters in the future. I think we go through life with partial understanding and truths. I was speaking with my husband about that earlier today. It is human. We cannot read each others minds or truly feel exactly what they feel. When I see a movie, I cry sometimes because I either hurt for the injustice that another person has endured, or I cry because I have some emotional understanding.
The thing that makes us unique is how we deal with various trials and joyous occasions of life. That is indeed fascinating. Some take the injustice they have been through and turn that anger onto the world. Others turn it onto themselves with self destruction, others use it to help others (and sometimes help themselves in the process) and others block it out. There are more ways than I can list here.
I guess it is the variously unique ways that people deal with life that are the most fascinating for me rather than how we have gotten to where we are. I guess it's like the early part of the story and the end of the story. I always want the happy ending...I yearn for it. What you told me is that you have a happy ending of a sorts. You are integrating, and that is indeed wonderful and inspirational.
I really am not sure what I was trying to express here or if it really makes any sense? I just write when I am trying to figure things out that I don't understand. I am sharing a part of myself that I usually do not share.
God Bless you.
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First...(hugs) you are so very brave & I respect you for putting yourself out there. I agree with you. The stigma surrounding mental illness is strong. It is also ridiculous that in the 21st century there is still such a bias regarding it & so little everyday knowledge about it. I have a depressive disorder with a side of anxiety. Most days it is a fight to get out of bed, but I tell myself "one day at a time" I do not have first-hand knowledge of dissociative disorder, just what I learned from my psychology minor in college. I do hope you find loads of loving support here. I applaud you.
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Thank you for sharing. I'm very proud of you it takes a lot of courage. I like you suffer from mental illness, which I use the term loosely for both of us. I do not like that label as @FunkyJunkyGypsy said you suffer from a trauma so it shouldn't be a mental disease. I suffer from depression, anxiety and panic disorder that was brought on after a nervous breakdown from years of health problems. I also don't know much about DID except what you see on tv and I'm doubtful much of that is accurate and would be very interested in hearing your story. I hope it helps you. I kept quiet about my health problems for years and that's what led to my nervous breakdown, so now I suffer the consequences. Good luck to you! My prayers to you!