๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ช๐ฝ ๐๐ธ๐ฎ๐ผ ๐๐ท ๐๐ท ๐ฃ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ผ ๐๐ฒ๐ผ๐ฝ๐พ๐ป๐ซ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐๐ฒ๐ท๐ญ ๐๐ฏ ๐๐ฒ๐ท๐ฎ // FILTHYSOUL DIARIES PAGE 1
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Honestly, these blog posts will be for personal use. You are more than welcome to read if you like. Just a warning it might be a bit too personal so reader's discretion is advised! Soooooo..
HERE'S tap tap THE MOTHERFUCKIN tap tap TEA!!
PAGE - ONE
First things first this whole diary thing is ENTIRELY my feelings, opinions, and thoughts so.. you might get offended...CHEERS!
My head has been so full of so much shit lately it's hard to keep track. It's hard to cope with things when they are coming at you full force. The sad things is, I'm doing it myself. I mean, I am practicing "calm place", but it doesn't actually aid the daily panic attacks. Nevermind the mind-numbing depression and anxiety weighing me down. It's times like these I wish for a manic ep. Even if it only lasts a couple of days. Not that my depression or anxiety would be gone. It's not even close. At least my mind would wander off into a productive nonstop thought process. Every minute coming up with a new thing I need to do or should do.
It's nothing like the movies and tv shows. Bi-polar isn't all sunshine and rainbows during manic eps. Nothing about mental illness is like the movies. Finding love isn't some magical cure-all drug. Being suddenly invited to social situations don't just turn it off. It's crazy how social media has pushed ignorant ideals about social media across all platforms. A mental breakdown isn't crying for 15 minutes and suddenly being happy after. Sure, everyone's battle with MI's is different. I honestly can't stand the normalized romanticized versions of depression, anxiety, and "fake" illnesses. I constantly see people across the internet crying over their boyfriends' talking to another girl and call it depression. It's a normal and justified thing to cry over. That's a truth, but to self diagnose yourself with a serious illness over one incident...
I live every day (have been since I was a kid) struggling to get out of bed. Even simple tasked like getting dressed and even making phone calls. I can barely leave the house because of crushing anxiety. It's not a joke OR anything to take lightly.
Already diving in deep and it's only the first page...
I'm so behind on training for my new job. I can't even sit still long enough to proactively complete something. I recently had a medicine change and it's made me way more anxious. I really want to call out of work, but I've got two days left and a boss who doesn't take absences. So, that definitely won't happen.
It's another birthday with my mom in the hospital. Apparently, the universe doesn't want me to have a birthday celebration. I know it sounds like I'm being dramatic, but coming from my point of view it's somewhat justified. My mom and my sister are all I have. I know, it's pathetic. No friends and no acquaintances. Just my little family. My sister is too wrapped up in her college friends... I'm spending all my time either at work, running errands, or at the hospital. I love my mother to death though. That's for sure. I'll always do anything to help her. Even if that means spending another birthday in the hospital.
Well, that's all for now. I've got to wake up at the ass crack of dawn and I would rather get sleep while I'm sleepy.
You Probably Just Wasted 5 Minutes Of Your Time,
Love Ya.Comments (6) -
Sending my best wishes despite everything. I hope you can enjoy your birthday xx
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@forebodinq thank you
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I completely understand and sympathize with your anxiety. I hope you managed to have a happy birthday in spite of everything going on. You are a survivor and your blog was evidence of that. Hang in there, as time goes on it will get better. Hugs.
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Hope you have/had a wonderful birthday. Anxiety/Depression suck! xo
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@surfergirl3915 thank you so much :,) I had a great birthday actually it was a great day.
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@diannec I did! Thank you so much!