Killeen - My Life as a Multiple #34
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This blog post will be about Mel's alter, Killeen. Mel is co-present with me as I write. This may be the shortest blog entry yet. I don't know a great deal about Killeen. Mel says she is a nurturer. I know Killeen was born when Mel was expecting her first child and the only biological child she has. It was a difficult pregnancy and Mel almost lost the baby but she was saved. Killeen got Mel through it all.
All throughout, Mel's daughter, Missy's life, Killeen has been there to nurture and care for her. She is the mother that Missy has always known. Her characteristics would be that she is a natural mother. A guide, a friend, a nurse at times. Whatever Missy needed, she was able to provide. She must have done an excellent job because Missy reports that she had a fantastic mother until the nervous breakdown when everything changed. At that point, the whole system and my system were in crisis. Missy was 14.
Many alters came out at this point and we will talk about them later but Missy's life changed as she became the one in charge. She had to make sure we were all right. Alters came out to help her but it was a difficult time for Missy and it was the point when she realized we had Multiple Personalities as there was no way to hide them from her. She had to take care of herself and it caused her to grow up fast. Missy got involved in things she shouldn't have and it was just a difficult time for all of us. We finally left our ex at this time and so much was happening that it is hard to write it all down.
I was falling apart, my marriage was over, finally. Missy was acting out which is to be expected and everything felt like it was crumbling. Killeen did her best to mother Missy through all this but it was a rocky time.
Today, Killeen is still a nurturer and she still is the one Jesse's little daughter runs to when she is sad. Killeen speaks with a lilting voice and it is calming and she speaks a strength into the situation, whatever it is.
Thank you for reading, sweet reader. It means so much to us that people read the blog and comment. It's hard to put your life out here for people but it has been healing for me and it has helped me to understand how I work and who is helping me. Your hearts on the blog and your comments make the process easier and help me so much! So, thank you! thank you!
Hugs, Nikki xx
Comments (13) -
This is going to sound like a strange question, but where did the name Killeen come from? It is not a common one.
Let Mel know that being a nurturer comes with a price. The nurturing person often tends to forget to take care of themselves, and others tend to take them for granted. Sometimes you have to force them to take a break, or to stay away from toxic situations or people. I hope that is not the situation with Killeen, that she is only exposed to you all and not to too many others.
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Dear Nikki, @surfergirl3915 , This another beautifully written account and such striking art also. Just know that I am here if you ever need me dear friend . love Dianne xoxox
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@gypsy-jo You know when it comes to Mel’s alters, I have no idea where the names come from. But I think it was based on someone she knew from her past. That’s what Mel tells me. All Mel’s alters have strange names. Killeen nurtures all the alters and other close family members. It is just her function. And yes, when we were in crisis, it was overwhelming for her. It’s not so bad these days. I will watch out though. Thank you so much for your comment. It helps me remember to take care of Killeen too. You are a dear one, Jo. Always looking out for me! Hugs and love,
Nikki xoxo
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@diannec Thank you so much, Dianne. Your offer of help means so much to me. I don’t ever turn to people for help and I know I should reach out sometimes. I will certainly remember your kindness. Thank you so much for your comment. Hugs and love,
Nikki xoxo
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Beautiful blog entry, Darling. I didn't know these things about Killeen so it's great to learn. Her picture is stunning, also. I'm sure she did the best she knew how in raising your daughter, even through the hard times. Love you xoxo
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She is so very beautiful sweetie, glad she came forward for Missy, those teen years are rough and the time when a girl needs me mama most. Missy must be incredible and to step forward and love you, all of you. I am glad you have this sweet daughter in your life, no doubt God and she chose you as her mama. Hope your bonds are always close. God bless you all, with hugs and love!
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How fortunate we are to have Killeen in our lives. She is the sanity in our insane world. With all my affection,
Luc. -
@darkprince Thank you, darling for your comment! Yes, I’m learning right along with you. Mel’s system has always been a mystery to me. Blogging has caused me to really think about both systems and see us all in a clearer way. I love you.
Love, Nikki xoxo
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@sjlew Missy and I have worked hard on our relationship. She is a caregiver to Jesse and to me. Missy is committed to keeping our relationship strong. I love her dearly and I know she loves me. I am a lucky woman and I never forget that. Thank you so much for your comment. It means so much! Hugs and love, Nikki xoxo
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@sonofmorning It’s so true! It was so sweet of you to comment and I am ever so grateful! Hugs and love, Nikki xoxo
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@surfergirl3915 Yes sweetie, for sure Missy is a blessing!
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Sweetie, people in families that don't have alters have children that act out and go thru break ups, so give yourself a break. It's hard to deal with every day ups and downs, much less having to deal with them while having a nervous breakdown and having alters. I was a wild child because of issues with both of my parents, but I turned out great. (The only reason I have the depression/anxiety problems is because of the health problems I have.) Kids are rezilient, I'm sure your daughter turned out great too! Always with you. Love and Hugs, Rhana
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@rboowybe Thank you so much for saying that, Rhana! Truthfully I have felt so guilty about Missy. I felt like she acted out because of me. It really helps me to think she might have acted out no matter what I did. She really did turn out to be a wonderful person. She is more giving and loving than you can imagine. As always, your comment is so sweet. Thank you for reading the blog and for commenting. It means so much!!! Hugs and love,
Nikki xoxo