Oblivia - My Life as a Multiple #17
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Oblivia insisted on making her own picture on my profile. That's how she is--very stubborn. Oblivia is my most depressive and suicidal alter. I would say she is haunted as her picture illustrates. Oblivia carries a lot of our memories. Today, she is very rarely out. When we went through our crisis, she was out a lot. She usually got us hospitalized, so it's important she stays inside.
Oblivia is with Jesse's alter Tsak. He keeps her grounded and as happy as Oblivia ever gets. Today, when Oblivia comes out, she usually shuts down my whole system by causing us to sleep. We can sleep for days when Oblivia is out. Finally, Jesse can usually get ME back out so I can deal with the depression and get us back on track.
Oblivia is fascinated by mirrors. A lot of her art on @Houseofstone contains mirrors. I'm not sure why. Oblivia can look at her face in a mirror for a long time. She loves to look deeper in the mirror and deeper. I'm not sure what she is looking for. She says she is looking for monsters.
How does Oblivia function in the system? She holds the memories which are too painful to remember. When we are emotionally hurt, she will come out to deal with it. She's not the best one to handle it anymore but she is the one who will rush to the front. I suppose she believes she is protecting the system when we puts us to sleep. She usually knows we can't take emotional pain so I guess this is her solution. While we are sleeping, I am usually doing dreamwork with my alters to try to deal with whatever hurt us. Sometimes we can work through it quickly but sometimes it takes days. Jesse is very understanding and a big help on these days. He encourages me to be out and to send Oblivia back inside. Once I can do that, the episode passes. If I had an emotion to associate with Oblivia, it would be sadness.
This is where alters gets difficult--when an alter that is still in too much pain comes out. It is painful for our inside and our body actually hurts too. We feel body memories and so our painful time seems to go on longer until I can get back out and send the alter out of the body.
Thank you for reading and trying to understand, sweet reader. It means a lot to me. Thank you for your "hearts" and sweet comments and questions.
Hugs, Nikki xx
Comments (10) -
thank you for sharing your post and for letting us to get to know your alters better. Hope you have a wonderful day! Hugs, Asya
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My heart goes out to you, Nikki. I really can't imagine how it must be for you. I read your blogs, but I don't comment because I can't think of anything to say that would be helpful, but that began to feel a little like voyeurism so I thought I should let you know that I am here and I that I am thinking of you .You are so brave to put everything out there...... I am not sure I could do that.....I do hope it helps. Love you, Helen
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@asia-12 Thank you so much, Asya! It really helps me to know you are there.
Hugs, Nikki xx
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@auntiehelen I think a lot of people are reading but not commenting and that is perfectly okay. It just helps me so much to know you are there and I thank you for your sweet comment! Have a wonderful day!
Hugs, Nikki xx
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Nikki, This one was really sad to read. I know what sadness is and I also can sleep for days when I get into a depressive state. I don't have the memories you have to carry. It makes me sad for you, however I'm very happy you have Jesse. I have a loving, understanding husband to help me also. It does make a difference to have someone that doesn't judge you there for you. Hugs, Rhana xoxo
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@rboowybe Rhana, you are so right! I don't know what I would do without Jesse and my supportive family and friends. I found it is so important to get a support circle around you and focus on them and not on the haters in the world. I also learned that I have to protect my mental health. And unfortunately that sometimes includes family. If they can't understand, then I have had to cut them loose. It's a very difficult mental illness to deal with. I am so grateful for you and the others who offer me your compassion and friendship. It means the world to me.
Hugs, Nikki xx
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Oh sweetie, this makes me misty eyed, she is so sad and I want to give her a hug. Happy that you can get her back in and quiet and Jesse can help too.Perhaps she looks in mirrors, trying to break through to a happy place, or maybe she is trying to reflect the hurt away from herself. The art is amazing as I can feel her pain. God bless you sweet Nikki.
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Sending you love and comfort dear friend xxxxx
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@sjlew Now that made me think--that she might be trying to reflect the hurt away from herself. Perhaps that is one reason she is fascinated by mirrors. I know she looks for monsters which she is convinced hide in mirrors. There is no changing her mind about it. Thank you for your sweet comment and just for caring about one of my alters so much.
Hugs, Nikki xx
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@diannec Thank you so much!!!
Hugs, Nikki xx