Caine - My Life as a Multiple #13
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Caine protects the system. He is the other half of Ame and he is with Jesse's alter, Yish. When I say Caine protects the system, I mean he keeps the secrets and can put the entire system on lockdown. Lockdown is where we are not able to speak of the system to anyone. We basically quit communicating where the system is concerned. We can talk to people but not about the system.
Lately, Caine is concerned about someone who seems to be passive-aggressively attacking the system. They make sets that have titles that relate to us in a vague way. Then they come on all our profiles and like sets so we will go read their sets which are not positive in any way. They are almost threatening. Caine has begun making sets that express his frustration. He feels that the person is trying to get us to stop talking about our multiplicity. Why? We have no idea because we don't know who is behind the profile. This is the downside to social media. But our blog is for us and I am determined to keep talking for as long as I want to even if trolls come on our sets.
I told him we could block the person but Caine wants to watch them and see what they are going to say next. I told him I don't really care what they say--it's only words and stupid ones at that. It's sad that some people want to play games and upset our whole system when it is hard enough to deal with all these personalities on a good day. What do you think, sweet reader?
Caine dresses our system as he is a bit of a diva. He picks our outfits for the day and buys our clothes. I put on our make-up but he offers advice. Mel usually does our hair. So, it is a coordinated effort just to get us dressed and ready for our day. I usually do any exercise that we do. Angel hates exercise and complains the whole time. Imagine if every activity that you did had one or even two voices in your mind that would not shut up the whole time. It can be maddening. Someone doesn't like everything we do. Caine is the one who calms the voices. He manages the system by explaining they will have it their way soon. In this way he regulates the system. This is interesting since Caine can be emotional and get very excited when he perceives a threat to the system. Then there is no way to calm anyone and sometimes I have to try to work with him and the entire system to bring us to a state where we can function.
It is not fun to be a multiple. It is hard. Some days I feel crazy and others fairly what I think normal feels like. We sure don't need trolls coming around to make it harder. It's mean and shows their lack of understanding or caring. But I guess not all people are nice.
Thank you for reading, sweet reader. Your comments and hearts let us know you care and that there are really good and kind people in the world.
Hugs, Nikki xx
Comments (19) -
It's fascinating how this blog forces you to consider and realize all the ways in which each alter interacts with you and your life. Keep writing, Darling xoxo
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@darkprince I will darling. My blog is for me. It's to help me organize all the pieces and see them as a complete whole. I so appreciate your love and support. You make every day wonderful!
Nikki xoxo
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Don't ever let anyone stop you from doing what's right for you! I feel a little "crazy" every day with my anxiety and depression, who cares, it's my business. Just as it is your business and if this blog is helping you in any way then that is what matters. We have some strange people on here believe me, that write weird stuff on their titles. No one has the right to harass you or Caine or make the two of you feel uncomfortable for making your blog. I have this problem with bullies and also have a problem with saying what I think and do not put up with crap like that. So you keep doing you and don't let anyone bother you! You are a dear, sweet lady! Hugs! Rhana
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I have found, and some may not agree with this opinion, that life as hard as it is forms our character for better or worse. I wrote to you about that before, so I won't add more.
I am a follower of Christ, and I have found that everything meant to harm me changes when I change my viewpoint about it and allow more of Jesus to live in and through me.
It is natural and easy to resort to nastiness when dealing with something that disturbs us or that we do not understand and trust. The simple thing though is to follow he who died for me and the loving God who was restored to me through that death. It allows me to step back from what is going on, and sometimes remove myself permanently or temporarily from a situation to see what and where He wants me to go.
This is a war that we fight daily but it is one waged by a coward satan. He will use our weaknesses against us and against others if we let him.
These are my own thoughts, but I don't think it is cowardly to step back and reconnect with the one who fights these battles because the battle has already been won, and that frees me up to express His love daily to a world that is decaying and dying daily.
God Bless and run your race forward with Him leading and guiding you, and you will have His truth, light, and love to steer you through the minefields (wiki shows this as the correct spelling) of life.
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@rboowybe Thank you, Rhana, so much for your sweet comment. As I think this over, you are right, I shouldn't let anyone steal my joy. I'm going to see if the thing calms down, if not, we will block the profile that we feel is bullying us. It's a simple thing to do. I thank you for your support as it means so much more than you could ever know. I hope your day is a wonderful one!
Hugs, Nikki xx
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@maisondeforgeron Your sage advice helps us so much! Thank you for reminding us that the battle has been won. There is a song that gives our system so much peace, its called "Peace Be Still" by Twila Paris. Your advice led me to listen to the song again and I was filled with so much peace. I think my system will calm down in a few days and it will be a welcome relief. Nothing should steal our peace and sometimes we all have to protect our peace. Thank you for your sweet and loving comment. It was a big help!
Hugs, Nikki xx
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@rboowybe Well said Rhana!! @surfergirl3915 don't ever let anyone steal your joy or what you need to do to express yourself.
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@surfergirl3915 I don't know if I have heard the song. I will listen to it. I have heard her music because my husband likes it, so maybe I have seen or heard it.
Please remember something about this forum and any social forum, it's small. What I mean is that in the grand scheme of things with children abused, murdered, starving etc...this forum is a very small thing in life. Those we love including God most of all, are the big things in life. Keep that focus and perspective please when it gets ugly here.
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@kleasterling I promise I won't! Thank you so much for your comment!!! It's greatly appreciated!
Hugs, Nikki xx
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@maisondeforgeron Thank you so much for that reminder. It sometimes seems bigger than it is. You are so right, looking at the bigger picture, it is really nothing.
Hugs, Nikki xx
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Let the trolls troll sweetie, they are not worth your time, if they mattered you'd ask for their opinion. Cain and the others make you- you, we have your back and adore you, you are strong cause the alters vie for attention has to be exhausting. Bless your heart.
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@sjlew If you only knew how exhausting it is! Thank you so much for your sweet comment!! You are right of course. Who cares what the trolls think? It's a small matter. I have many friends on here and that is what I will choose to focus on!!! Thank you for being such a dear and supportive friend to me!!! Hugs, Nikki xx
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@surfergirl3915 Hugs sweet Nikki!
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Beautifully written Nikki. I say you do you and ignore the trolls. Our happiness doesn't depend on what others do or don't do. It depends on us. Why give them the power? Keep up the wonderful work!
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I'm sorry to read that there are trolls here who make fun of your multiple... But yeah, there are good and bad people in this world, some can pretend to be your friends, some can be true friends of yours... and sometimes it's hard to understand who is who, since many people wear their 'masks'. But I hope there are more good people here who really support you. Hugs
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@ames-ym Thank you for your sweet comment. You are right of course. Currently, we are just staying away from the troll and concentrating on all the wonderful people like you who support us. Thank you so much!!!
Hugs, Nikki xx
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@asia-12 There really are a lot of good people on here. Far more good than bad! Thank you so much for your sweet comment!
Hugs, Nikki. X
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I immediately understood why Caine will lock down the system. My first thought, he knows that you have some alters with a lesser state of mind. Those who he feels an uncanny need to protect, where as the stronger, it would seem, he may call upon to help him keep the trolls at bay, in check, etc. I understand his need to protect. Wow, that went from 100 speed at playfulness on Kole's post to a skidding halt of reality. Tap the breaks, he says. I can hear him! Oh my. Now I am feeling some of the alters around me. Lord, our connection is so strong to one another. It's jolting, like now. Not in a bad way but a good way.
I'm not sure I've met Caine, but for some reason I wanted to pass this post by, I was tugged back 3 times. and I don't even know why I wanted to pass it up?? I'm perplexed and learned at the same time now. I think something didn't want me to read it, and now that I have, I'm so glad I did, as in I'm relieved. Wow.
He's so pretty, but so male. I have all of these things going around in my head but I can't make out the jumble. -Signed, a very stirred Nonnie
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@nonniekiss Thank you so much for commenting, sweetheart! You do know us all so well. I don't think you have ever spoken to Caine directly but I do know you have seen his paranoia. Yes, I do think he is protecting the weaker ones but he is so paranoid, I think he sometimes jumps too quickly to lock down the system. Polyvore was terrible for our paranoia. We are doing such a better job on Urstyle. I'm so glad you read about Caine because I do think it helps you to understand us better. We are so grateful for the gift of your friendship. Thank you for continuing to be there no matter what. Love and huggles,
Nikki xoxo