Mel - My Life as a Multiple #11
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I really struggled with writing this blog post or rather Mel gave me a lot of grief for writing this post. Mel is the front for my system. What that means is that she is the one we put out front when we need to put on a good impression or when we are unsure of a situation. Mel has the ability to talk to anyone and she is just magical with how she can speak to people. Everyone loves her and she cares about our reputation. She has kept our reputation pristine.
Mel was created when we were 16 and had a nervous breakdown after being the victim of ritual abuse. I didn't want to live anymore so I went to sleep and Mel had to carry on. She was the one who was married to our first husband. Mel went to college and Mel even became a public school teacher. Mel did such a good job at handling our life, I just let her do it. Then we went into therapy and our therapist convinced me that Mel should continue to function as the main personality and that I should just keep sleeping. He put me to sleep using hypnosis because I was very unstable and angry and destructive. So, I quit growing with the body. Mel continued to grow and to handle our life.
Mel raised the children, and eventually got us all through the divorce from our first husband. I only woke up about 8 years ago when someone from our past came back into our life and created a great deal of turmoil. It put Mel into a crisis and using dreamwork, Mel woke me up and I was basically forced to take control of my life again. Mel was done. She felt she had done all she could do and she was tired of handling the whole entire thing herself.
Mel worked hard on our reputation and she is very worried that my blog is going to make people think badly about us but she obeys me now and we talked it over and she realizes I am going to be more transparent on Urstyle. When we were on Polyvore, people had all kinds of impressions of us. Some people thought we were in some kind of elaborate role play and others thought we were hiding behind our profiles so this time around, we want to be more open and honest.
Mel is the last profile we have on Urstyle. She is @Melody1704 . So that is all our profiles on Urstyle. A total of 4. Mine, Angel's, Mel's and @Houseofstone where the alters create.
I hope you will join me in convincing Mel that it is going to be okay. No one is going to think badly about her and our reputation can still be a good one. Mel is the one who runs our Facebook page, the first profile we had on Urstyle and the only one of us who has an actual picture of us on her profile.
Thank you for reading, sweet reader and I hope your day is a good one. Hugs!
Nikki xx
Comments (19) -
If it makes any difference to you, to Mel, to your other alters, I am a person who will accept you just as you are - I do not judge, I do not believe you to be lying or role-playing (nor would I care if you are, quite simply as long as you aren't hurting anyone else, it does not matter), and I do not find anything wrong with you - you are perfect just as you are. The only person that your "reputation" should matter to is you (and your alters), no one else. Their opinions do not matter. They have no right to judge. They do not walk in your shoes, they do not live your life, they do not share your struggle. I hope that you find some peace with this. ~Jo
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Mel has been incredibly strong to get you as far in life as you've gotten, but I'm glad you're back in control. You are the main and the heart of your system. Love you and the others, too xoxo
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What @Gypsy-Jo and @darkprince said.
In some form or fashion, I think we all have our own different personas that we
tap into on different levels depending on the situation. -
As long as your other alters (I got that right I think) are kind too, I don't see a problem with it. In fact, I can now say in a way that I have four friends here.
I didn't face what you faced in life, but in someways it was just as horrific. I drank myself silly to try and deal with life. I have been sober for nearly 31 years, and while dealing with life sober isn't easy by a long shot, it is far easier than dealing with it drunk. Also, counseling over the years has helped, but mostly God has been my healer. Not to say that God hasn't sent good counselors my way.
Not to make light of any of this, but can I borrow Mel sometime. She sounds a lot more put together than I am, but maybe not. She sounds like she feels as worn out as I feel LOL.
God Bless you dear.
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@gypsy-jo I DO find some peace with this. Thank you so much, @Gypsy-Jo for your sweet comment. You have become one of my favorite people today and I am so grateful to have you as my friend on Urstyle. It is a very difficult road to walk and it does help when someone reserves their judgement and just accepts you as you are. Hugs to you and I hope you have a wonderful day!
Nikki xx
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@darkprince I'm glad to be back in control again. I think I know the right things for my system and I'm glad to be making the decisions now. I love you, Baby! Thank you for your support and for your sweet comment!
Nikki xoxo
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@wacky-workshop I think you are right and thank you for trying to understand us and relate on some level. That means a great deal to me. Thank you for your friendship and for your sweet comment. It means a great deal to me.
Nikki xx
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@surfergirl3915
I wasn't always Yonni Obasan, or Aunt Yonni as I am called in the U.S.- I have been through a few "reinventions of myself " to be who I am today. You are not alone. -
@maisondeforgeron You have even more than four friends on here, there are 16 of us who support you! Thank you for sharing your life experience with me. That must have been incredibly difficult both the drinking and getting well. I applaud you for your strength and courage. I'm so thankful God helped you. I credit God with being a huge help to me as well. And if you ever need any help, I know Mel would be right there to offer her sage advice to you! I'm so sorry for all you are going through over the last couple of days on here. You always have my support, dear friend!
Nikki xx
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@wacky-workshop I so appreciate the support you have shown me. But breaking apart into alters is not reinventing yourself. It is the opposite. It is like taking a chisel to a piece of glass. But I do thank you for your comment and for trying to understand and find a way to relate to me. I'm so happy that you have made your life happier and better and in the end, isn't that what we are all trying to do? I think that is what you were saying.
Hugs, Nikki xx
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@surfergirl3915 I really appreciate that. A lot of good has come out of it even if it comes at the expense of my feelings. I have really appreciated the support from everyone.
I have tried to not repay ugliness with ugliness and hope that has come through. I am praying for everyone who has had to deal with this because I didn't think things through while uploading my millions of items a day LOL (that is an exaggeration but not much.)
You remember in one of your earlier posts that I said we have to be kind to ourselves and take care of ourselves (I am paraphrasing here and I am horrible at paraphrasing.) I have seen some of the mean things that people have posted about other people copying sets and the such and was just as horrified as I am sure people were about my pics.
I mean children are dying, going hungry, or mistreated horribly everyday and whether or not someone copies a set is sooo important that people spend time shaming people over it.
That is when I first decided a break was needed. I am very sensitive to bullying and know it when I see and feel the shame. It's usually misdirected shame also. What I mean is a person shames another person for something they consider a shameful act. Isn't that something...
That is why I say good has come out of this. I am taking my own advice and taking care of myself. I will be on to look at sets and answer messages and the such, but I just won't open myself up to posting my own for awhile.
You are sweet. Keep up the good fight and run your race in life straight and clear. You are doing great!
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@maisondeforgeron I'm sorry this has caused you to not make sets right now. I hope it's just temporary and you know you can talk to me any time. Rhana
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I think it's not only been very brave of you and your alter's to do this, but very enlightening for the rest of us. We are getting to know you better, which I am enjoying immensely, not your tragedy, but just you and your alters. It's also very interesting knowing how you deal with living with your alters and there is nothing for Mel to worry about, no one would ever think badly of her or you or any of you. I didn't even realize I was already following Mel's profile. Thank you for sharing with us. Hugs, Rhana
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Oh sweetie, I thank you for sharing your journey with us, I love all the alters you have introduced us to. I am glad for Mel, she saved you, alters are defense mechanisms, they have their purpose in your life. You are so strong and an inspiration, you are a beautiful soul. Mel has our support, as each of the others, bless your heart!
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@rboowybe Thank you so much!!!! Rhana, your support means so much!!! Mel is immensely grateful as well. Have a wonderful weekend!
Nikki xx
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@sjlew All your words are so true! I will always be grateful for Mel. She did save us and still saves us everyday. You are so sweet and understanding! Your support means so much!!! I'm so glad you like getting to know us better! Have a wonderful weekend!
Nikki xx
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This post is deleted! -
@gypsy-jo I'm not sure what you are referring to; however, it is obvious that my presence on this forum is disruptive. I will be leaving. Maybe you will see this post. Perhaps you won't.
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What Gypsy said, I agree 3000% As in, I love you 3000!!!!! Melly is so wonderful so special to me, like Angel, I find her so fascinating and full of magic. it's no wonder I fell in love with her and Lux first. And you know what I mean by that. My heart was sold. I remember, when I went through so awful sh!t on PV, that Mel and Lux got me through a very dark time. Not to say, all was perfect between us all, but, I remember I just needed to "feel" they were both there to allow me to "feel" and to be "free" to feel. I recall sensation, needing, wanting, and then somehow I found myself. That is Melly, that is Lux. I had to let go of who had wronged me, or who I felt had wronged me.
This is my experiences with Melly, that's why my fondness is always intrigued, she is a force to be reckoned with and it's a joy to be loved by her. -Nonnie