Dreamwork - My Life As a Multiple #8
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I have found a way to communicate with my alters. I call it dreamwork. When I go to sleep, I can talk face-to-face with my alters. It is probably some form of lucid dreaming. I am not sure how it works. When I awoke from a large span of time in my life, I realized I could do this. It is how I have gotten to know alters and where we speak. I do also use journals to let my alters speak and also here on Urstyle on @Houseofstone . They had a page on Polyvore too but all of their work was lost in the great Polyvore apolocolypse. It was sad but they are glad to have an outlet here.
While sleeping, it is as if there is a room, my alters can meet me there and we can talk. They get their chance to tell me if there are problems have and we can work on solutions. We have made contracts and they have honored their contracts with me. For instance, only Mel was ever allowed out when we used to work. We discussed the situation and some were allowed to watch Mel work but they could not fight her for the front. No one ever did. I have been grateful for these contracts because they allowed us to work and appear somewhat normal.
Sometimes an alter can be "close" but not be out. For instance, I might be at an amusement park and my littles will be close. I will feel them as if they are right behind me. I can hear them and their excited giggles. They will tell me things they want to eat and things they want me to buy. They can enjoy the day without being out. Over the years, there have been occasions when a little jumped out front and my daughter had to convince them to go back inside. Now she has a look. When they see her give them "the look" they will go back inside and return the body to me.
When alters are close, I will often appear to be in a different mood. My daughter or Jesse will ask me, "Who is close, darling?" I will tell them and they usually understand that I am not exactly myself. I will get back to being myself when the alter steps back. Jumping out doesn't happen as much now. It used to happen a lot. It was very difficult when an alter just jumped forward to speak their mind or take control of the body to do what they wanted to do. Now, it only happens in times of great stress. I try to keep my life stress-free and all I can say is it takes a lot of communication to make good relationships. My support circle understands me and Jesse is wonderful. He doesn't get angry at alters that try to make him mad or just try to mess with him. He laughs and says things like, "Go back inside now. You've had your say." My alters are compliant because there is great love between us.
Dreamwork has been a life saver for me and has helped me understand my alters better and has made my life better. I wonder if other people are able to do anything like this? Perhaps it is like when you experience something in a dream and it teaches you something? I don't know. But it is interesting how the human mind works and finds way to save itself. I feel more integrated in these moments. So for me, it has been a gift from God. Have a wonderful day, sweet reader. Thank you for reading.
Nikki xx
Comments (8) -
I'm ever grateful that our pieces fit so well together and that we've figured out the solutions to our little puzzle. I'll always love and support you, Darling xoxo
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I'm glad you have a great support system with Jesse and your daughter. That is so important! Bless you and them!
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This journey with your alters is amazing how you take control of them, love how Jesse and you daughter can help push them back in. I bet writing journal is very good therapy. You are such a strong lady, be so proud of how far you have come. Have a wonderful weekend sweetie.
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@rboowybe Thank you so much for your comment! Jesse and I have been lucky, we just kind of fell into love and it all fell together in the right way. But my daughter and I have worked hard at our relationship. It was hard on her growing up with a mother who fell into deep depressions and had different personalities but love got us through it all. I'm so grateful for her and Jesse and also for all of you who have come into my support circle.
Nikki xx
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@darkprince I love you, darling! Thank you for reading my blogs. Your support means the world to me! xoxo Nikki xoxo
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@sjlew You have a wonderful weekend too!!! Thank you for your comment! Yes, I have been very fortunate and fortunate that my alters will work with those I love. I know it is not this way for everyone. I have met people who have no control at all over their alters. I knew one woman who had alters who wanted to kill her. I have never experienced anything like that and I am so grateful!!! Thank you for being you--so kind and supportive! Hugs, Nikki
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Nikki, I'm just now catching up on your blog. Do you deliberately refer to your body as "the body", and if so, why? As primary owner of your body, would it not help you to claim it, or am I off-base?
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@gypsy-jo Good question!!! You're making me think now. This is good for me and one reason I started the blog. I think we mostly refer to our body as "the body" because we all use it at one time or another. No one really claims ownership of it. The body is a vessel that we all live in. It ages. We don't. Maybe that is why we don't really take ownership of it. We all care for the body but some alters don't even like to be in the body because it is so much older than they are. I hope this answers your questions a little bit. It could be the dissociation we all feel too. We feel we are alive apart from the body--inside. Mel is the most comfortable person in the body because she has aged with the body for so many years. Thank you for your comment and for allowing me to think about how we all work. You are a dear one!!!
Hugs, Nikki xx