Unpredictable - Life as a Multiple #6
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Life is unpredictable. If there is one thing you learn when you have multiples it is this: life can change in an instant and you have to be ready for it. It's like when you are surfing. You swim out and get in what you think is the perfect position and you get ready for the adrenaline surge that is coming and you just start swimming as hard and fast as you can. You depend on your body to be strong and balanced and you hope for the best but you realize that the ocean is wild and unpredictable. You might catch the perfect wave and ride it into shore. You might bounce on the top of the wave like the surfboard is your shoes and you might have the ride of your life. Or you might wipeout and find yourself fighting for your life against the roar and magnitude of the waves. You just never know.
As a multiple, you might have a normal day where everyone switches seamlessly and helps you do all the things you need to do. Or you might wake up to a day where everyone is switching and you don't know what is going to happen next. You have no control over what an altar will say or do. You have to do a lot of damage control. You have to explain and try to hope people will understand.
I have been lucky. As I have grown and received some excellent therapy, my altars and myself kind of work together. We have done a lot of work to get here. I guess some would say we are more integrated and this is true. I am fortunate that I can view what most altars say and do. I may not be able to stop it but I can explain it and sometimes say something that will make it all better. This has helped me live a fairly normal life.
As I approach Mother's Day, I am grateful for my daughters. I am not sure I would have made it this far without them. So thank you @Missy-Goldsberry and @Jenni-Goldsberry for your love and support. You understand me in ways that I can only be grateful for. You are kind and loving to my littles, who are the youngest alters and you are a friend to me as well as my daughters. You have seen and survived with me. I must also include Jesse in my list of people I am grateful for. Thank you, Jesse, @darkprince for all you do for me each and every day in spite of your pain and fatigue.
I am also grateful to you, sweet reader. you are with me on this journey as I try to put words to what is in my mind and try to make some kind of order out of chaos and unpredictability. I so appreciate when you read and when you "heart" the blog. It means the world to me. Happy Mother's Day to you whether you are a mother or not. I am thinking of all of you with so much gratitude and joy in my heart. Your comments have been such a source of help and just the feeling that I'm not alone in what has been a very lonely journey for most of my life. You rock!!!
Much love, Nikki xx
Comments (12) -
Oh sweetie, I know first hand how life can change in a split second, only for different reason, than alters, I think you are very brave to share this journey with us, I am happy the therapy is working, bringing the best part of each alter to integrate and make sense. Your daughters and Darkprince are blessings sweetie. You are so lucky to have a supportive family who understands and loves you. You have a wonderful Mother's day sweetie, big hugs to you!
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@sjlew Thank you so much for your sweet comment!! It means so much and especially today for some reason! You are so dear and sweet!
Hugs, Nikki xx
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Wow! Sweetie, with every word you write........I read between the lines also. You are an amazing lady to have come this far in life. You are intelligent, eloquent in your words. You are so into your mind that only you can write and have it come out with such amazing feelings. As you say, each day is a surprise whether good or bad. I love reading your blogs so much. It is quite evident to me that you have had much therapy and help along the way. Thank God for giving you the endurance. I hope that it helps to blog all of this. It is good catharsis for you every time you write your amazing blogs. You are loved! Have a wonderful Mother's Day with all of those who love you. You are blessed in spite of how the world revolves. Hugs, Beverly
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I love you, Darling, and will always be here to support you as you are always there to support me...xoxo
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@beverly Your comments always make me feel so good. Thank you so much for your sweet compliment about my writing. I always wonder if I am an interesting writer or if I am boring people to tears. Thank you! Thank you! I hope your weekend is a wonderful one!!
Hugs, Nikki xx
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@darkprince Thank you, darling! I know today is a difficult one for you and I am grateful you read my blog and that you are here for me!! I love you!
Love always, Nikki xoxo
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When you run a race, you run forward not backwards. In fact, if you keep looking back, you will lose the race! (The idea is biblical. Thought that I would post that in case anyone thought I was copying the Bible.)
You are going great. Happy Mother's Day
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@maisondeforgeron I will keep this very good advice in mind. Some alters are stuck in the past but perhaps with some work, they too can advance forward. You are right that just ruminating on the past is never a good idea because it cannot be changed. We can only change our future and that is my new focus!!! Thank you so much for your comment!
Hugs, Nikki xx
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@surfergirl3915 You are a blessing in my life too, your beautiful sets bring happiness!
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@surfergirl3915 You are welcome. You are moving forward wonderfully. Everyone thinks about the past...have regrets etc...just as you said though, we cannot change it. Keep up the good fight.
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Thank you for sharing your post (I wrote it many times and I think you will see this comment again and again below your posts
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I just don't know what to write, really. I just don't know. I can imagine how many ppl fight and struggle with many things in their lives, it makes me sad. So thank you for letting us to get to know you better! Hugs
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@asia-12 You're so sweet and so sweet to comment!!!
Hugs, Nikki xx