Life as a Multiple #4
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Ah, so much is going on this morning. We awoke at 2:30 am today and if we don't sleep, I don't know how we are going to keep up with our day today. I made sets and Angel checked her page. Ame is angry at one of the other alters and I don't know which one. This is the confusing time. I have to listen to all the voices to see if I can figure things out. Jesse, the love of my life, is a big help. He makes suggestions so I can ask questions and we usually find the resolution to the whole thing.
Which brings me to the reason I wanted to write today. I wanted to write about the miracle of love. I always want my life to be beautiful now. Beautiful things, beautiful home, roses growing in the front yard. I think it's because I can control my life now. I couldn't control all the bad stuff but I have control now.
My mind is racing today. I feel like I'm all over the place and this is how it feels when alters are fighting. I wish for peace again. Peace and beautiful things. Jesse is a very special man. It's like he was designed just for me. I found Jesse online and it is probably the only way I would have ever found him. Jesse is a multiple too. His alters love my alters and it is a perfect thing when everything works. I worried about being with a man who shared my illness. It scared me. I thought things might get too crazy and that there would be drama but instead there has been acceptance and love.
He is strong with me and supportive. He is there to provide whatever I need. I try to be as supportive back and he says I am. I worry because Jesse is younger than me. I hope he never feels shorted and wishes for a younger mate. But if he did, I would understand because I only want his happiness. But today it is wonderful and so I live each day one day at a time.
Ame is in love with Jex, who is one of Jesse's alters. She is usually happy and she is not mad at Jex right now. She is mad at one of my alters and all I can do is hope someone comes out on @Houseofstone and creates so I can find out what is going on. I feel like a detective. Even then someone is going to have to talk to me.
It's 4:00 am. I hope I can sleep a little before I begin a very challenging day. I wish my mind would stop racing.
Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful and beautiful day!
Nikki
Comments (5) -
Screen Shot 2019-05-08 at 4.07.37 AMThis is a picture of most of my system. This is how we see ourselves.
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@surfergirl3915 you're all beautiful and valuable to me...never worry I want anything else. I have everything I need in you. Xoxo
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I’ve been thinking about your alters. This is reality to you, and I respect that. It is a concept to me, and it makes me think of Caroline Myss and her study of archetypes.
The easiest explanation I can give of an archetype is a “role”. We all have and take on different roles in life, each defined by a term/name to distinguish it. For instance, one can be a daughter to one’s parents and parental figures, as well as anyone who is like a parent to them. At the same time, this woman can be a mother to her children and/or a mother figure to others. She can also be a sister, an aunt, a grandmother, a wife, a lover, a friend...
Taken further, we take on roles in our life depending on our personality and circumstances. A partial list of archetypes can be found here: https://www.myss.com/free-resources/sacred-contracts-and-your-archetypes/determining-your-archetypes/, though I’ll list just a few common ones.
Artist
Bully
Caregiver
Clown
Craftsperson
Dreamer
Gossip
Healer
Judge
Rescuer
Seeker
Storyteller
Student
TeacherWhen we are engaged in our roles/archetypes, how we behave, and even how we feel, differs with each of them due to the dynamics of our relationships and the archetypes themselves. A woman can be a caregiver to her elderly parent; behaving and speaking to her parent in a particular manner, and can instantly “switch” to a parental role if her child is, for instance, doing something s/he shouldn’t be and requires correction. This woman can go back and forth like this all day -- and women often do, and not just between two roles, but many. (Men, too.) We’re able to do this because the brain organizes the roles for us. But what if the brain becomes disorganized due to trauma?
In looking at the picture of your system posted above, I was compelled to question if Dissociative Identity Disorder separates individual roles/archetypes and creates identities/personas for them.
I don’t expect you or anyone to have an answer to this. It's not even a theory, but a speculation and I thought I’d share my reaction and get your impressions, should you care to explore archetypes more. If not, ignore this post entirely! 
An explanation of archetypes can be found here if interested:
https://www.myss.com/free-resources/sacred-contracts-and-your-archetypes/archetypes/A defined list of archetypes can be found here:
https://www.myss.com/free-resources/sacred-contracts-and-your-archetypes/appendix-a-gallery-of-archtypes/ -
@funkyjunkygypsy Thank you so much! This is a fascinating thought. I even discussed it with Jesse for his insight. I think the difference between an archetype and an alter is this, an archetype MUST act in certain ways to be an archetype. The hero, must do certain things to be considered the hero, he must be good, virtuous, overcome an obstacle, etc. The bully must always be a bully. However alters experience the entire range of emotions. My young alters, for instance Angel, can just be the adolescent she is. She might be an artist on one day or play with toys or she might even bully someone as an adolescent does. She experiences the full range of emotions that a person at that age might experience.
Yes, there are certain alters who come out at specific times. If we cut ourself, then the alter who can deal with blood comes out to do the action. However, that alter still has the full range of emotions. This morning, Jesse's alter, Jared, was out. Jared is angry. Anger colors his world. However he can be loving too. He loves Emberly who is an alter of mine. My picture was only a depiction of some of my alters. Emberly is an angry alter of mine but she sure loves Jared.
Does this make any sense? I do find the study of archetypes to be fascinating and it is one way to try to understand alters. Thank you for even thinking about all this. Your support means so much to me.
Have a wonderful day!!!
Nikki
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@surfergirl3915 You're welcome! And yes, you are making sense! Fascinating. Truly!