MY LIFE AS A MULTIPLE
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@funkyjunkygypsy Thank you so much! I'm going to do some research and a future blog is going to deal with how it works for me. I'm afraid it's too much for one single reply. Your support is so helpful and so meaningful to me!
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@scorpiokatt Thank you!!! Thank you!!! It means so much!!!
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@surfergirl3915 ~ I am so glad you decided to share your mental illness. I have had a few acquaintances in the past with multiple personalities. I am here if you need to talk about it no matter which one it is. We are all here as women who will provide and support you. It takes a strong person to admit as you have done. Bless you sweetie! We all are here for you. Hugs xx
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@beverly Thank you so much for your support. You cannot know how good it makes me feel to have a group around me now. xx
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My cousin is manic depressive. I don't know what it entails, but it can be hard on the family. Other members of my family including myself have dealt with or are dealing with depression. I don't know if there is a family link for any of these things. The only thing I know about multiple personality comes from movies, but I have wondered if you don't remember much or sometimes anything at all, if it is the same for your multiples?
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@maisondeforgeron Thank you for your question. Yes, it is the same for my multiples or alters as I refer to them. Today, I am more integrated and I know more of what happened to me. Certain alters retain the memories of specific events or even years of my life. For most of my life, these years were lost to me. However after years of therapy, I have some memories back at least in a broad sense. I think if you read my blogs in the future, you will understand more about how it works. My two daughters who are still home with me have many stories to tell. They tell me it has not been all that hard for them, however I have other children who seem to feel it was all just too much. I had one sister who believed me about my abuse but she passed away. My living sister does not really believe me and we just don't discuss it. I am stable enough to spend time with her and she does not notice if an alter is out. It's ok. I understand that her experience in our home was different than mine was. I am grateful for your support and your desire to understand. xx
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@surfergirl3915 I will try to remember to use the term alters in the future. I think we go through life with partial understanding and truths. I was speaking with my husband about that earlier today. It is human. We cannot read each others minds or truly feel exactly what they feel. When I see a movie, I cry sometimes because I either hurt for the injustice that another person has endured, or I cry because I have some emotional understanding.
The thing that makes us unique is how we deal with various trials and joyous occasions of life. That is indeed fascinating. Some take the injustice they have been through and turn that anger onto the world. Others turn it onto themselves with self destruction, others use it to help others (and sometimes help themselves in the process) and others block it out. There are more ways than I can list here.
I guess it is the variously unique ways that people deal with life that are the most fascinating for me rather than how we have gotten to where we are. I guess it's like the early part of the story and the end of the story. I always want the happy ending...I yearn for it. What you told me is that you have a happy ending of a sorts. You are integrating, and that is indeed wonderful and inspirational.
I really am not sure what I was trying to express here or if it really makes any sense? I just write when I am trying to figure things out that I don't understand. I am sharing a part of myself that I usually do not share.
God Bless you.
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First...(hugs) you are so very brave & I respect you for putting yourself out there. I agree with you. The stigma surrounding mental illness is strong. It is also ridiculous that in the 21st century there is still such a bias regarding it & so little everyday knowledge about it. I have a depressive disorder with a side of anxiety. Most days it is a fight to get out of bed, but I tell myself "one day at a time" I do not have first-hand knowledge of dissociative disorder, just what I learned from my psychology minor in college. I do hope you find loads of loving support here. I applaud you.
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Thank you for sharing. I'm very proud of you it takes a lot of courage. I like you suffer from mental illness, which I use the term loosely for both of us. I do not like that label as @FunkyJunkyGypsy said you suffer from a trauma so it shouldn't be a mental disease. I suffer from depression, anxiety and panic disorder that was brought on after a nervous breakdown from years of health problems. I also don't know much about DID except what you see on tv and I'm doubtful much of that is accurate and would be very interested in hearing your story. I hope it helps you. I kept quiet about my health problems for years and that's what led to my nervous breakdown, so now I suffer the consequences. Good luck to you! My prayers to you!
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@shelley-harcar Your support to me means more than you could ever know. I'm so sorry about your own illness. I can understand how you can't get out of bed some mornings because I have certain alters that feel that same way. They just don't happen to be the ones who get us out of bed because they wouldn't do it. I am lucky enough to have people I can call on to get us up and moving. I hope today is a good one for you! xx
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@rboowybe Thank you so much for your support! I'm so sorry you suffer from depression. That is a hard one. Some of my alters suffer from depression too. But luckily I have other alters that don't. It does help to write. Sometimes it is easier when you see it all written out in front of you and not just in your head. That's how it is for me. Again, thank you for your support. xx
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@surfergirl3915 Courage, all my support and understanding! Thanks for sharing!I like very much yours sets. Have a happy week!
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@herasdarne Thank you so much for your support!!! You have a happy week too!
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I believe you sweetie, sorry I read your blog out of order. The brain is a very complex organ, I suffered clinical depression, with panic disorder and suffered anhedonia, so yes, I have mental illness, although I got well. Have you ever read Three Faces Of Eve? I wish I remember a book I read years ago where a woman had over a dozen multipals, her therapy was intense and lasted for years, but her psychiatrist helped her that many of her alters were dismissed. She had no memory of many of them and was baffled when others described her actions, she even switched from genders, even spoke a foreign language in one, one was shy, another very outspoken. Here is a great site, PUBMED, this is a trusted site with tons of info, my daughter used this for research in college and beyond, she is an R.N. I find urstyle is therapy for so many of us, we create where our heart a soul is, I do believe you no doubt. Here is the site sweetie!
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4959824/ -
@sjlew Thank you for that fascinating article! It actually made me feel better. Maybe a little less crazy. Therapy has made me better over the years. I have integrated to the point where I know what I am doing now for most of the day. I can be co-present with other alters and they let me take the lead. Who knows what the future holds for me as I continue therapy. It is possible I guess that all my alters will integrate. But I think I would miss them. We have learned to become friends over the years. But I am open to the possibility. Again, thank you for reading and for the article!
Nikki xx
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@surfergirl3915 You are welcome sweetie, happy you can spend most days know what is going on. I'm imagine it could be very exhausting.
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Oh, dear, I can't even imagine how brave you should be to share this with all of us. I'm sorry to hear that though, it must really hard, really. But what I liked about Polyvore (and now Urstyle) - there were lots of people who always supported me and others. Most of them continue doing that on here too. So we are here for you. Hugs, Asya
P.S. Honestly, I didn't know about your blog until I saw your set. Sorry for this but in my defense I can say that I didn't have much time to spent it on here, and still don't.
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@asia-12 Thank you Aysa, for your very sweet comment. Your support means so much to me!!! You are right, I have found many who are being so sweet and understanding. It really does help. Thank you for reading my blog!!!
Hugs, Nikki xx
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You are so incredibly brave & courageous to post about your life as a multiple. I was a psych major so I knew a fair amount about the disorder b/c it was something I studied & then did further reading on. To be frank, I come from an abusive background & the connection between that & MPD was something of interest to me b/c of various resulting mental health issues in my family. I lost a family member to suicide who was bi-polar. I commend you on writing a blog about this & it is so important in our society to tear down the walls of stigma regarding mental health challenges. You have my full support in your important work here. Denise
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@romaboots Thank you, Denise, so much for your comment! With your psych background, I'm sure you know a lot about the illness. I agree that we need to raise awareness and try to get rid of the stigma of mental illness. The sufferers deal with enough every day, they don't need more, do they? I'm so happy you see and understand this. Your support means so much to me personally and it really does help me to know people like you are out there. Thank you for reading and for commenting!
Hugs, Nikki xx