UNDER THE DEAD MOON

☙ T O U R . O F . C A M P U S ❧

Everyone's quest to find UnderU is different. Some people say it feels like something in their gut. Others face physical manifestations of guidelines. There are no limits on what can happen to bring someone to one of the many entrances that are magically shrouded all around the world. And it's rarely as easy as "walk into this tunnel located precisely in this location" . . . Some even say having a more complicated quest is a badge of honor. If your godly parent, or whatever mystical thing recruited you, believed you'd be up to such a challenge, this must be only the beginning of what you're capable of. Or they figured you’d die anyway so it should at least be entertaining.

So you lived to be eighteen without dying. No one is going to throw you a party, but whatever. You made it. You’re now officially trapped in accepted into Underworld University! And since you’ve also navigated our booby-trapped entrance to Hell, you’re ready to be a Howling Hydra! { Tanith, our border guardian, doesn’t really like to be referred that way, but we’ve found it makes for better cheer banter. }

As I show you around this illustrious uni, feel free to ask questions at any time. Probably don’t touch anything since you aren’t familiar with the areas that won’t try to kill you yet. Don’t stop for too long in any one place, and definitely don’t be afraid. They can smell fear.

»» Main Entrance

Tanith guards the last remaining veil between the Mortal World and the Afterlife for this particular opening, but in UnderU, it's a little more flexible than "dead" and "alive" on two separate sides. After all, things are fun in the grey areas. There is a long, small tunnel following Tanith's domain. We don't actually want her to be able to get into the campus, as I'm sure you can imagine. Then, finally, it opens up into an enormous cavern. With a bright blue sky and true flora and fauna milling between the buildings, you might even rejoice! You're back outside! Sorry, no. But Freya has demanded that eternal spring dwells upon the area, so here we are. Magic wards, fancy light tricks, blah, blah. Bask in paradise. Fun fact! You can still get UV damage from our fake sun. Haha, suckers.

The "locked" gate with UNDERWORLD UNIVERSITY emblazoned on it is really more for show. The language of choice? That's the thing, actually! You'll see it in whatever language your deity parent speaks, which helps us begin to narrow down where to place you. You can, um, walk right around it since it is not actually connected to any fencing or wall. But it's pretty, right? Very authentic. We certainly like it.

»» “Admissions”

The first building you stumble upon when you're new to campus will always be ADMISSIONS. It's actually charmed this way, so even if you try and enter something else first, BOOM! Welcome to Admissions.

Here you will be greeted by our Harpy secretaries who used to have chains on them, but, after centuries of dealing with horrible college students, they have become so dead inside that they no longer try to run away. Nice! They're not the most friendly of faces, but they will print off a schedule and take a nice picture for your Student ID Badge while only completely degrading your self-esteem with comments about how pitiful and pathetic you are.

A small price to pay, really.

They'll also hand you your class schedule, an activity calendar, and an enchanted map to help you get around. Hold onto it or don't. We don't care if you get lost or mess up. This isn't middle school.

»» Professors' Offices

Don't go here. There are no office hours at UnderU. You know it or you don't. They already have to deal with you enough in class. They don't want to be forced to see you on their own time.

Sure, a few also live here, but jeez, don't you know they have a life outside of torturing you?

»» Student Center

Since nice weather is almost always a guarantee { though if Freya throws a fit, our climate system does pay a ""small"" price }, our main recreation area is open and spacious. Nice couches, study tables, and picnic benches dot the areas in between the Bodacious Bowling Alley, the Not-Your-Neptune Nautical Area, over-priced food selections, the never-strong-enough coffee bar, and a mediocre movie room.

Sure, we have a giant bonfire pit in the middle, but it's mostly unused. Way too campy. Gross.

»» Dining Services

Ah, All You Can Eat buffets. Sign me up.

»» The “Not A Coliseum”

This arena may look very oddly Roman, but we swear it's not. We also just happen to have very intense chariot races in it.

»» The Theater

Underground getting you down? Don’t worry! We have a wide array of boot-legged human and demi movies alike in our cache! Screenings on random selections every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

»» Archery Quad

For those looking to practice with the pointy stuff. No one is allowed to shoot arrows that are on fire. We learned that lesson the hard way. A few times.

»» Dueling Quad

Ah, the fated grassy area where a lover's quarrel turned into a death brawl. The moral of the story is: don't fall for girls who have Hades and Hadúr blood. They'll fuck you up. But the other moral of the story is, if you yell loud enough at UnderU, you can really start a riot.

»» Certain Death Quad

Kids used to call the area separating admissions from the dorm buildings this because if you snuck out and got anywhere near it, the Harpies would almost assuredly kill you. After centuries of such esteem, it also became a frequent host of elaborate pranks and some accidental, very poisonous affairs that are best left unmentioned. Shame you have to cross or go next to it to get from the dorms to, like, anything else on campus. Maybe someone should fix that? Oh well.

»» The Arts Building

It's ridiculously haunted by all kinds of spirits because someone thought building it underground in the already underground school would be a good idea. But hey, maybe one of them will spark some creativity for you.

»» The Music Building

By far the most beautiful and most under-used building on campus. Maybe that's why it is still so pretty. No student has managed to mess it up yet.

»» The Science Building

"""Science""" is a very loose term here. Tread carefully.

»» The Business Building

A giant warehouse converted into floating classrooms and cubicles to "really set you up for the business experience." You have to hope you catch your class when it's floating within reach, or maybe you have a friend who can help you up. Sometimes there are random staircases floating around. Maybe you can sweet-talk them into getting you up where you're trying to go. They take very well to flirtation but never EVER let go of a grudge if you ever slight them even a little.

»» The Social Science Building

For some odd reason, this college is mainly dedicated to really intense espionage and almost basically nothing else. The other "social sciences" have mostly been booted into history.

»» The History Building

The hodgepodge leftovers of campus. Whatever didn't fit somewhere else came here.

»» The Parthenon

The magical fancy gathering place. Hoorah.

»» Year 1 Dorms

Ah, sweet little ones. Good luck not getting covered in magical tar and feathers at least once. Why anyone squished Year 1 Dorms between Year 3 and 4 buildings, we will never know. But it can get pretty nasty.

»» Year 2 Dorms

A secluded, blissful experience as a seeming congratulations for surviving your first year. Why is everything in here blue and ocean-themed? It seems to be a curse we are unable to break. Hang loose, bruh.

»» Year 3 Dorms

Where all the parties are held, as a consequence of the giant hole that was burned into the center of it that no one has bothered to fix.

»» Year 4 Dorms

If there is any place that could be called the lap of luxury, this is certainly it. Not everyone actually makes it to Year 4 without dropping out, so if you did . . . prepare to be amazed.

»» The Make-Out Caves and Rock Wall

Next to the lagoon is an elaborate series of caves. They are absolutely the best place to bring a date, but keep in mind, they are also charmed like the Labyrinth and you could get lost forever and die. But! Totally a small price to pay for an evening of bliss!

On the south side, there is a school-sanctioned Rock Wall that will seriously test your skills with all kinds of booby traps. It's not recommended for the faint of heart.

»» Rod Lagoon and Black River

It's only a tributary of the Styx, so it won't exactly suck out your soul right away. A lot of kids find swimming in the lagoon for an hour or so really relieves some stress. Also some hair, but, hey, finals can get crazy. We all deserve a little relief.

»» The Sun Wukong Field

Since this is the one place on campus that is actually very strongly warded to keep students out, it is, of course, where you idiots are constantly trying to break into. It is only open during the actual Sun Wukong Games, and at all other times is under construction to prepare for them. If you get caught trying to get in early, you have an INCREDIBLY severe punishment, such as taking two of your most cherished memories or losing your hearing for three weeks. Poor freshman. Some are almost always hazed into trying.

»» The Armory

Now introducing: Rent-A-Suit! But it's not suits. It's armor. For fighting. Booyah. Most of the time, a guardian is assigned to keep just anyone from grabbing some of our insane weapons. There is a library card system for all the goods. But, uh, sometimes the guardian has better things to do. It's me! I'm the guardian of the armory, and it's boring!

»» The Stables

Ponies, Pegasus, goats, pigs, some rideable drugged monsters . . . It's a good time.

»» The Gymnasium

Workin' on my fitness, workin' on my fitness.

»» The Infirmary

Are you hurt? Are you sick? First, suck it up. Second, go here, I guess.

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