EP 3: "You and I Under the Same Sky"

RYUNA

9. Briefly describe your family

My family is just an ordinary family from Daegu.

For those who didn’t know, I’m a part Japanese thanks to my Japanese great grandfather [from Kyoto] who settled with my Korean great grandmother from my dad’s side. But I was born and raised here in Korea.

My mom and dad run a shop where they sell agriculture and veterinary related products [feeds, equipment and they even have a veterinary pharmacy]. My older brother is a veterinary pharmacist… and he is married, sorry girls. Plus my sister-in-law is a veterinarian. Thanks to my oppa and sister-in-law, I became an aunt of two nieces.

10. What event in your childhood made a huge impact in your life? (It may be both positive and negative)

I was a very shy child so my mom had to send me to theater workshops so I could develop my social skills and to create new friends. And she knew that I keep on watching MVs of various singers on MTV. Then my dad & I keep on singing together especially during road trips. It created a lasting impact on me.

As for a bad memory, it would be during the 2008 recession. Like I witnessed my mom and dad having a hard time to save the shop [and eventually close down for a few years] first hand while my brother and I are still students. So to cut the expenses, we have to transfer from a private school to a public school. Like, it was so sudden that I have to say goodbye to my close friends and to start a new school year away from them. At that time, it was very hard for me since I was about to thrive in the drama club only for me to transfer schools.

11. What is the hardest part of being an idol trainee?

Honestly, it was the uncertainty that comes with my age and body image.

Since I debuted a bit later than most of the same aged idols, it really sucks to think that some people will mock you and call you “a hag” on the internet when you work hard just like everyone else.

As for the body image, I was a chubby kid and a lot of my former classmates called me a lot of names and laughed at me when they found out that I already trained to be an idol. Since then I try to reduce my servings healthily and increase my time to exercise. Until now, there are a lot of body shamers not only on the internet but also my own aunties who keep on comparing my weight with my members and I was like: “I love my members but please stop pitting me against them since all of us are beautiful in our own way”. I know I’m thicker than the rest but it doesn’t mean I deserve disrespect from others.

I’m very aware that not a lot of people knew what I went through but I hope they should stay kind.

Of course, there will always be uncertainties especially that I have limited knowledge in dancing. So I worked harder in dance lessons because I want to debut. Like I even practice in our dorm because I don’t want to disappoint every person who rooted for us to debut.

12. Who gave you motivation to keep going as a trainee?

The reason why I keep going is because every little girl dreams of being onstage or on television but society dictates that they can’t be that thanks to their appearance. But please finish studies and wait to be legal aged before debut

13. Describe your rookie years

Thanks to the fact that our company is on the lower side of the K-pop company hierarchy during our debut, it’s inevitably hard. We have a really hard time booking jobs thanks to our status. Like we are just grateful to be in that stage. Despite winning some music show trophies as rookies, we are still not content because there will always be the possibility that we will be just another one hit wonders.

14. With many hits under your belt, what song represented Star Beam the best?

Ahhh… there’s a lot… It’s like picking a favorite child huhuhu. I’ll choose all Star Beam songs

15. What does Star Beam and ByulBis mean to you?

I cannot describe a word to describe how the girls and ByulBis impacted my life in a positive way. Like… the girls became my closest friends not just in the industry but also in life as well. They are so much nicer than those girls at my middle school and high school LOL. I’m so grateful that they were born into this world and in this lifetime.

As for ByulBis, they are our energy booster because everytime that we get exhausted, we just think of how much time and effort they make just to see our shows online and offline. Like Star Beam will only make this far with ByulBis by their side. I just hope it stays the same for a long time

16. How did you overcome an obstacle in your career?

You mean the postponement of “Dear.M”? I just prayed that everything would come at the right time. Honestly, I feel so bad when all my efforts were ruined thanks to the bullying witch hunt and the media play for covering up more important issues. What upsets me is that people only believe in anything that fits their narrative and not listen to the other side. So early 2021 was hell

17. What is your favorite memory with the members?

We spend time together everyday so I cannot mention one but everything we do together is a core memory

18. How did you deal with mean comments and crazy rumors about you?

I just screenshot it and report them to the police immediately to protect our inner peace

19. How has the pandemic impacted you?

The pandemic taught me how to be mindful in what I’m saying or doing. Update, we are still growing our little vegetable garden

20. Briefly describe your boyfriend outside work?

Kun is very nice and very loving. Like he never gets mad at me. I know everyone sees him as the reliable gege but when he’s with me, he becomes a big baby. Like he even talks to me in pout. He is so calm and given my short-tempered personality, I immediately calmed down.

21. Did your boyfriend control you (eg: the way you act or you dress)?

NEVER. Actually, he is the one who encourages me to be myself. The truth is he is more excited than me when it comes to buying bikinis, lingeries, minis and crop tops because he knows that I’m always mothering everywhere

22. How was your relationship with NCTzens?

Good thing they’re generally chill about our relationship to the point that some of them complimented my work in front of him. Like he only wants to see and hear that I was appreciated. But some NCTzens think that I’m too good for him thanks to how our respective agencies handled our careers. Actually, Kun is a very secure guy and cheers me up a lot everytime I have a new project.

CHAEHEE

9. Briefly describe your family

I came from a middle class family in Busan.

My dad is a construction worker while my mom is a teacher. I’m the youngest among 3 siblings. My older sister [the eldest] is now working as an accountant while my older brother [the middle child] is a businessman. I have 2 nephews thanks to my unnie. My brother in law [unnie’s husband] is an engineer while my soon-to-be sister in law [oppa’s fiancee] is also a teacher.

10. What event in your childhood made a huge impact in your life? (It may be both positive and negative)

I think we keep on moving due to my dad’s job. Like I cannot make proper friendships since I kept on transferring schools when I was a literal child. I can still remember that I cried when my dad told me that he has a new work assignment because I went through a cycle of befriending my classmates and moving away. Like I just want to have a permanent friend and enjoy my student life.

That time, it was so hard to keep in touch with my old friends since I moved out. I knew some of you would just say, “USE A CELLPHONE!” but I only got my first phone when I was in sixth grade as a graduation gift plus I only use SNS after debut. So sorry!

Until we settled into our permanent home, I met Jeonah in second grade. Since then, we became best friends.

11. What is the hardest part of being an idol trainee?

My parents were financially struggling when I started training and at the same time my siblings are in uni. So I had to do part time jobs as a mechanic and service crew of a local fast food just to sustain my student and trainee life.

Good thing, my siblings are already scholars in the uni and they graduated with Latin honors then proceeded to have great careers.

12. Who gave you motivation to keep going as a trainee?

My family. Everytime I feel like I’m about to give up, I just stare at the photo of them in my locker and remember that I have a supportive family.

13. Describe your rookie years

Honestly, it was hard. We are originally a nugu girl group who happened to… pause date certain NCT members. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Kidding aside, it was really hard to book jobs since we are not from the Big 3 and of course the prejudice was there. Also the fact that we were not in any survival show predebut.

14. With many hits under your belt, what song represented Star Beam the best?

Ah… it was hard… I love every SeuBim songs but if I have to choose, “Mi Sol Amor'' since we gained a lot of international fans.

15. What does Star Beam and ByulBis mean to you?

I have so many fond memories with the girls and our fans. So Star Beam are like my sisters I never have while ByulBis are our inspiration for us to keep going

16. How did you overcome an obstacle in your career?

I just think of my biggest “why” on why I became an idol in the first place

17. What is your favorite memory with the members?

After Coachella 2023, my members were so excited to see my parents backstage since it’s their first time to travel abroad. Like it’s great to see my parents healed their inner child.

18. How did you deal with mean comments and crazy rumors about you?

I just report and block since I have no energy to reply to mean comments. It’s a waste of time.

But when there is a crazy rumor that is persistent, I have to speak up immediately

19. How has the pandemic impacted you?

I became more appreciative of my loved ones. Back in 2020-2021, I kept on visiting my parents after filming because I missed them.

20. Briefly describe your boyfriend outside work?

Doyoung is actually nice and he is really a husband material. If it weren't for our jobs as idols, we would get married early hahaha. He is very close to my parents also

21. Did your boyfriend control you (eg: the way you act or you dress)?

No. Actually I used to be a conservative dresser even before debut plus dating Doyoung but now, I get to experiment with my outfits a bit more. Now I’m more confident to wear sexy outfits all thanks to his encouragement.

I’m not sorry for making every “traditional” men mad

22. How was your relationship with NCTzens?

Actually, many of them confessed to me that they have a girl crush on me in a lot of fansigns. LIKE WHY ME?!

CHLOE

9. Briefly describe your family

I’m the youngest and the only daughter in the family. I have a dad, mom and two older brothers.

My white mom is a tailor [from Sacramento] while my Korean dad is an engineer [from Jeju]. My elder brother [the eldest] works as an accountant in the States while my second older brother works in the IT industry in Korea. To my fans who are constantly asking about my brothers, sorry, they are both taken. Should I mention that my second older brother is dating Saeyoonie’s older sister. But that’s for another day.

So my mom and dad met at the Coachella [before Coachella became the Coachella we know] when my dad took a break from the military service together with his friends. Then he met my mom through a mutual friend [actually a co-worker of my dad in the US before enlistment]. Few months later, they meet again in Korea when my mom has a business trip there but this time, he is serious in pursuing her. Long story short, they get married and blessed with 3 kids.

As for my brothers, they are very supportive of my path though sometimes they keep on making fun of me onstage. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

10. What event in your childhood made a huge impact in your life? (It may be both positive and negative)

Event in childhood that is also happening in my adulthood? When I became the receiving end of discrimination and bullying due to my mixed ethnicity [as a half-white and half-Asian girl]

Seeing my dad being hated by my Karen relatives from my mom’s side. Good thing, we never visited them anymore. Just because he is Asian, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve my mom. And it hurts me so much when both my mom and I were being accused of fetishizing Asians by strangers both offline and online just because my mom is white and my dad is Korean plus I’m dating a Macanese man.

Aside from the challenges my parents faced as an interracial couple, I was bullied in school both in Korea and in America because I’m either not Korean enough or not American enough [at that time, I’m the only Asian student in class].Most of the time, I played alone because most of my classmates called me lots of racist slurs but at the back of my mind, I prayed that one day I will have a friend who will be there for me. When the truth is, my mom, siblings and I are constantly learning the Korean language and culture earnestly as our way of showing respect to my dad.

With that dilemma of childhood me being friendless, I joined various clubs throughout my student life: sports, dance, music, arts, scouting. Yeah, that Asian in me jumped out

11. What is the hardest part of being an idol trainee?

The homesickness and trying to adjust with an unfamiliar culture. I can still remember, my parents would send me snacks from our local grocery store in San Francisco and send it to Seoul. Plus they sent me a snow globe of the Golden Gate bridge so every time I feel down, I just look at it.

Did I even contemplate giving up, just go home to America and return to my old life? Of course. Since some people are straight up mean who will do everything for you to be completely crumbled. But then I can still remember my mom telling me to take a rest but not give up. So I became more motivated to complete my trainee program and I’m now here.

12. Who gave you motivation to keep going as a trainee?

Watching foreign idols trying to make it into the industry inspired me to keep going despite the odds coming into their way. Also, I get pissed when someone comments that I only joined Star Beam solely thanks to my looks, they are clearly wrong when I trained for a few years in the same system as their faves.

13. Describe your rookie years

It wasn’t easy at all! After all, we’re from a small unknown company and we never appear on survival shows so it took a longer time for us to book jobs. Also we lived in a small dormitory [for reference, it’s a bit bigger than Infinite sunbaenim’s old dorm which was shown in “You Are My Oppa” and “Infinite Sesame Player”] which is a few minutes away from our company building.

Also can we mention that our main concept is not girl crush, that's why a lot of K-pop stans initially slept on us during the earlier part of our career.

14. With many hits under your belt, what song represented Star Beam the best?

“Flaming Heart'' because it’s like showing who we are through the music and lyrics. We may not fully have the girl crush sound that they wanted but we are sincere and intentional when it comes to music. Also the lyrics resonate to everyone who fought for their love even in the middle of uncertainty.

15. What does Star Beam and ByulBis mean to you?

Star Beam is like my answered prayers because when I was a kid, I used to pray that I want to have a playmate who will accept me as I am. The girls are so sweet and loving. I’m thankful that I got the best bandmates in the world. We also got into arguments but good thing none of us are snitches and we keep those to ourselves.

ByulBis? They are the best because they keep on supporting us even in our lowest. One thing that shocked me is that none of them make mean comments on the internet or send protest trucks at the MBF building just because I’m dating Hendery. And they even go to WayV’s fansigns just to thank and compliment him.

16. How did you overcome an obstacle in your career?

I just prayed that it will pass and just face the problem head on

17. What is your favorite memory with the members?

When we film “My World” MV and just to see my girls being satisfied while we enjoy filming especially in the finale scene. Like usually, we easily don’t get satisfied while monitoring the MV production so it took time for us to get the approval. But this time, we really enjoyed filming.

Also Hendery cried on set because they [Xiaojun, Hendery & Kun] finally have a schedule and the best part, these three have major roles. For context, many compared “My World” to “Jalapeno” thanks to the secret agent concept. So yeah… “My World” MV happened because of him.

18. How did you deal with mean comments and crazy rumors about you?

A lot of those mean comments were related to my looks and skills. So I keep on practicing singing, dancing, rap, music production and acting.Plus I screenshot every hate comment and report it to the police. I’m just setting boundaries here.

The worst rumor that I heard is that Daniel Padilla fans accused us as bullies during AAA in the Philippines when he keeps on clinging to his ex, Kathryn Bernardo [who is a gem in the Filipino entertainment industry]. When the truth is, I never raised my voice nor called him derogatory names while telling him to find another vacant table and even offering him a monobloc chair. Only for Daniel to insult Hendery by calling him stupid [for dating me] when I never mentioned Hendery once to a stranger. After that, I just sat beside Kathryn and other members. After AAA, Kathryn approached us and thanked us for keeping her entertained then we became moots on Instagram.

I tried my best to control myself from punching him because Jeonah was hosting onstage. Daniel has the audacity to cheat and disrespect boundaries. He is truly an ex boyfriend from hell. He can’t even defend himself from all the cheating accusations against him then proceeds to insult random people he did not know because he doesn’t know how to rebut properly. Bro, are you seriously okay?!

So Mr. Daniel Padilla, how does it feel to lose a GEM while looking for SACKS OF COALS?!

19. How has the pandemic impacted you?

I feel like I'm slowly starting to live my life because prior to that, I’m just an eat, sleep, study, work, repeat kind of girl who barely goes out of the dorm. Now, I always go on spontaneous trips whether alone or with my loved ones.

A little update, I’m learning new languages [Mandarin, Cantonese and Japanese]

20. Briefly describe your boyfriend outside work?

Hendery is a very sweet man. Like he never fails to make me smile and laugh out loud. But he can be sincere and serious at the same time. He never missed a day texting me good morning and good night despite both of us being busy with our own careers… or even sending random memes and tea. Usually, I don’t like to do PDAs with him… or it’s just that Hendery rarely appears on Korean TV but anyways, when we go to LA for K-Con, like this man is so clingy with me and during breaktime, we became a normal couple for once.

Looking back, we looked like the couple that everyone predicted that we will break up early due to some differences but I’m so happy and grateful that we stick together despite everything. 2021 was honestly hell for both of us because he had to suffer thanks to a scandal of his former friend that he did not ask for. Since then, I was motivated to work hard so people won’t say that “Hendery, your girlfriend is just a pretty face” and similar stuff.

The most touching thing he did was that he said that he prayed every night that I would go on tour safely and healthily. I always received expensive gifts but someone who will pray for me every night? I never felt so loved huhuhu

At the end of the day, he loves me more than SM hates him. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

21. Did your boyfriend control you (eg: the way you act or you dress)?

NEVER! Actually, he is more excited to see me in sexy outfits than I am, hahahahahaha.

22. How was your relationship with NCTzens?

I acknowledged that some of them don’t like me because of how vastly different we were treated by our respective companies or they think I’m too old for him. But yeah, some of them liked me a bit more

HYOSHIN

9. Briefly describe your family

I was raised in a broken family and had a strained relationship with my dad.

With both of my parents, I have one older sister [who was conceived out of wedlock and the reason why they got married] and I’m the youngest. My mom used to own a cafeteria but thanks to the divorce and late 2000s financial crisis, she had to work in an office for a few years until she got her beloved cafeteria back. While my older sister works in the food industry. My unnie is now married and has a kid.

My dad? HORRIBLE IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT. I tried to forgive him many times but he doesn’t change. Plus he hates Xiaojun so much [unlike my mom and my older sister]

Aside from me, RIIZE Sungchan and FLARES Keonju are my cousins who are in the K-pop industry as well.

10. What event in your childhood made a huge impact in your life? (It may be both positive and negative)

My mom and dad keep on fighting everyday thanks to my dad’s gambling addiction because he keeps on spending money irresponsibly. To avoid being dragged into his mess, I joined various school clubs and studied hard so I could help her.

My gambler, cheating, grooming, gaslighting dad hid 2 of my younger sisters [one is the same age as Jia and the other is the same age as Jeno] & his side chick from us for a few years. A week before my birthday, my neighbors caught them in the open.

When I overheard my parents would divorce, I started to destroy the doll house that my dad gifted me because he cannot even keep his promise to us and just keep on crying for hours.

Once my mom caught them, she decided that it’s already enough and proceeded to file a divorce against him. She got me and unnie plus the conjugal properties but he never supported us financially.

The co-parenting setup was such a huge failure that my mom had no choice but to give up her cafeteria business and we moved out of our “home”.

Having a dysfunctional household gave me trust issues as a tween. Looking back, I applaud my mother’s strength to break up with him for the sake of her peace of mind.

No kid deserves problematic parents.

11. What is the hardest part of being an idol trainee?

Having a dad who never supported you [emotionally and financially]. Ironically he is the one who discovered my potential in singing first but he chose to mock me and my decision to be an idol. He thinks that I’m too ugly and delusional to make it in the K-pop industry. He thinks that even the best plastic surgeon won’t make me the prettiest or the best vocal coach won’t make me the best singer. Those words hurt me a lot. Like he did not even think how this would affect my mental health and emotional wellbeing.

Now, I already cut ties with him.

12. Who gave you motivation to keep going as a trainee?

My mom because she did so much to keep the family together until the end.
She dreamt of being a music teacher but it wasn’t realized because she put us first. I want her to know that she is doing great and I’m thankful that she is my mom.

13. Describe your rookie years

Aside from having a rough childhood and learning how the K-pop industry works, honestly our rookie year is hard because some idols are hard to trust even if I try my best to be polite to them. Like instead of emphatize with us, some of them are straight up mean and invalidate us. But we are grateful to our industry friends who truly cared for us through the years.

14. With many hits under your belt, what song represented Star Beam the best?

I think “My World” because not only it had a Bond Girl concept but with confidence boosting lyrics. Like everyone deserves a place in our world as long as they are comfortable being themselves.

15. What does Star Beam and ByulBis mean to you?

Star Beam is like a family to me. They were the ones who helped me to go through everything since Day 1. They know me so well.

As for ByulBis, they are the best fans that we could ask for. Like they are so passionate and supportive. For those who are wondering, I always take time to read their fan letters and keep their gifts.

16. How did you overcome an obstacle in your career?

I’m just talking to my members and to our team when it comes to professional matters. So we know how to solve a problem together. Also seek professional help, it may be hard at first but it’s worth it.

17. What is your favorite memory with the members?

When we went to Coachella 2023, our parents were there. It was the first time I brought my mom to work but in abroad. Usually, she travels with my sister abroad [the recent one is La Union in the Philippines]

18. How did you deal with mean comments and crazy rumors about you?

Most of the mean comments are about my love life or more specifically, me being dragged into Lucas’ gaslighting scandal just because I chose Xiaojun.

I keep on clarifying that Xiaojun is my first and only serious relationship. Lucas and I were only friends and hung out for a few times until I found out that he is still talking to his Korean ex so I walked away as early as I could. Ever since Xiaojun and I became official, I stopped talking to Lucas.

But when Lucas’ scandal came out, the agency called a meeting with me, Ryuna unnie, Chloe, Hendery, Kun, Xiaojun, Lucas, and my mom about the mean comments against me and my alleged involvement and personal knowledge about his personal life. I said, “I don’t know much about his love life”. Then Lucas called me ‘stupid’ in front of everyone for believing what the allegations said when I did not even read the entire post but if the allegations are true, the victims don’t deserve the disrespect. Then I saw a chat where he and his friends laughed at me for choosing Xiaojun instead of him. After the meeting, we returned to the dorm and I kept on crying because I suffered a consequence that I did not ask for.

Since then, I seeked professional help. She [the therapist] told me to write down in my diary everyday all what I felt during those times.

When it was announced that Lucas just left NCT [while we have a music show recording], not gonna lie and I might sound mean here but it was TEARS OF JOY and immediately called WayV because it’s already over and let’s hope a brighter future together [without having to wait for the issue to pass so they can comeback]. I already forgave Lucas but I don’t want to work with him or even be in the same room with him anymore.

Looking back… I’m so happy and relieved that I dodged the huge nuclear bomb. I don’t wanna be labelled as a “pretty girl with a very poor taste in men” because I would rather grow old and die a spinster than to marry a trash.

Lastly, I hope that the victims will eventually get their justice.

19. How has the pandemic impacted you?

I started to learn how to improve my cooking and do some physical activities. Currently, I’m into gym, boxing and pilates

20. Briefly describe your boyfriend outside work?

I went on a few blind dates but all of them failed until Xiaojun came into my life.

Aside from the fact that everything about him is beautiful, Xiaojun is the first man who pursued me. Given the fact that I have deep trust issues with men, I suddenly fell in love with him during the Resonance era. Actually it was supposed to be a crush because he is so pretty but then… here we are. He is very nice and romantic. Ah, I love my babygirl so much.

Sorry to say this but Xiaojun’s parents treated me so much better than my dad did.

It’s nice to have a softie boyfriend right?

21. Did your boyfriend control you (eg: the way you act or you dress)?

Neverrrrr… I cannot even outdo his sexy outfits huhuhu. Kidding aside, he just let me be myself and I’m grateful for that.

22. How was your relationship with NCTzens?

While some of them are pretty okay with me [both as an individual and as Xiaojun’s girlfriend], some of them [are still stuck in the past] HATE me so much for allegedly making Lucas leave NCT. I keep on telling everyone that I never begged SM to kick him out because of “Lovedumb”. That’s his karma.

ATENA FESTIVAL